They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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