Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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