Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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