I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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