Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
