DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im part way to drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
