i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
