just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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