Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
