i just had sex bonerless
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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