I'm really into asian looking animals
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
