ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
