found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
