Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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