"it" just moved
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
