I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
