I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
