my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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