i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
