My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
