She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
