It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
