I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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