but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
