My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
