there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
