guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
