i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
