how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
