if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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