Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
