I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
