I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
