The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
