you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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