Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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