i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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