I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
