Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
