While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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