"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
