I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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