Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
