rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Randomize
