In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
