we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
