ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
