Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
