After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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