it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
