He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
