Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
